How It's Gonna Go

Well, here we are now. Blog post #1. It came to me like springtime to an Emperor penguin. Weeks and weeks of mental winter and, at last, the egg has hatched. I'm ready to begin.

You have given me so much grief, tiny brain penguin. 

I'm the kind of person who becomes preoccupied with the illusory importance of a "first" anything. I pretend that I'm not, in order to sustain the illusion that I'm a well-balanced person with a firm grasp on reality. The truth is, I'm a closet firstophobe. I fear that, if my first blog post is not perfectly witty and insightful, I will never receive friendly service at Starbucks again. People will cut me off in traffic because of my failure to weave a blanket of cozy, feel-good blogginess with my words. The entire populace of Facebook will scoff at me. Finally, the long-sought "dislike" button will be granted, just so everyone can thumbs-down my feeble attempts at an inaugural blog post.

If my first post stinks, what will become of me? I will have no choice but to abandon this endeavor. Can I condemn another domain name to the POW camp that is the bowels of the Internet? And I've snagged such an iconic one, too. A Living Cenacle. No, with a ballin' blog name like that, the first post must be magnificent. I can do this!

All sarcasm aside, it's not that bad, but it really is time to just write the stupid blog. A friend recently told me about her boyfriend's determination to select the perfect first-book for his Kindle. And I laughed! At a fellow member of Dumb Fears Anonymous! What a hypocrite I am. They don't mention that one in the Examination of Conscience pamphlets. She said, "He took a week to choose a book! I told him, you could have finished three books by now!" and I imagine my reaction looked a little like this: 

Only the first image in my blog is important. The second one can be Z'Efron, I don't care. 

So, after a few discarded drafts about how most blogs do nothing but inspire regret for not properly utilizing the rustic whimsy of mason jars and wild flowers in my wedding decorations, I've got it. This is how it's gonna go.

I'm going to write about the things that matter to me. The things that get stuck in my head and won't leave until I've subjected all of my loved ones to an exhaustive analysis of why it's good or bad.

This isn't a blog about wearing precious outfits. I have nothing to tell you about expertly mixing prints or the importance of owning nude pumps and Tiffany-blue skinny jeans. I dress like a Frumpy-McDumpy and my idea of a "wardrobe staple" is a cable-knit granny sweater in a delightful shade of gray. I won't even pretend to call it "ash"-- it's gray. 

This offer excludes bragadocious claims to being the Deal-Finding Queen.

The only appropriate reaction to $6 rain boots.

Maybe there will be some advice on using office supplies to solve your everyday problems (staple remover vs. reluctant key ring-- you won't be sorry). But for the most part, I'm going to write about my ideas, my insecurities, my struggles, and my discoveries. And maybe some artwork, if I'm feeling brave. I hope that you can connect with some of the things I have to say, or at least feel less alone in the things you're going through. Surely, we have something in common. (This message is brought to you by the Firstophobe Outreach Foundation.)

So good luck to you and good luck to me! My first meta blog post about blog posts is a success.

MOVING ON!

"BLOG BLARGHARD!"