#@*$ The Curse Words, Man

Hello, my name is Maria, and I am a word prude.

I admit it. I really dislike harsh language. It's not because I'm too sensitive. It's because I can't go anywhere or say anything without over-analyzing the psychology of every situation. Imagine being trapped in my brain with a continuous APA-format scholarly article scrolling by at all times.

Really, it was hard enough to be in my head before I got my degree...

When a man leans out his car window, drops f-bombs in place of every possible part of speech, and road-rages all over some poor woman in a mini-van, I just can't let that go until I've figured out why he did it, why he felt it was justified, and what kind of effect it has on him and the woman on the receiving end. 

This post is not meant to persuade and it's certainly not meant to judge. I grew up during Alabama's Age of Mediocrity-- I learned lots and lots of curse words during the football seasons of my early childhood. Consequently, I thought, "GIT 'EM, GIT 'EM!" was among them.

Who knew?

So, I have absolutely no room to judge. I started cursing in the 6th grade and finally gave it up shortly before high school graduation. I wasted a lot of years and creative wit on hurtful verbal garbage. I've tried to live my adult life without it and, as a result, I've been able to recognize the ways in which my emotional and spiritual health is better without it. Here's what I've got:

1. Cursing perpetuates anger. 


We curse for humor. We curse as part of commonplace language. But, it seems that anger is what inspires people-who-don't-curse to curse and people-who-do-curse to curse more.

One of my deepest struggles is bitterness. If my anger were chili, it'd be some darn good stuff because I can stew all day long. I don't need any help sustaining my anger and, if I let it get the best of me, I can work myself into a bitter, sarcastic rage without using a single profanity. 

Cursing is like throwing another log onto a growing fire. It may feel good and it may very appropriately illustrate how we're feeling (and I'm always a fan of communicating emotions) but, in my experience, it's best to let the fire die. We may be 110% justified in our anger but, what does it do for us? Nothing. Anger is a reaction, not a response. We can't do anything good or constructive until we regain control of our emotions.

One of my favorite quotations is by Aristotle. He says, "Anyone can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person at the right time and for the right purpose and in the right way – that is not within everyone’s power and that is not easy."

Can you remember the last time you made a good decision while you were angry? I know I can't. Our words flow from our emotions, but our emotions are also affected by the words we use. In my experience, the very first step in defusing anger is by not indulging in anymore anger. Calling a friend "that ******* *****" is not going to calm me down and it's definitely not getting me on the right track to loving them like Jesus. Speaking of which...

2. Think about what you're saying. 


There is no such thing as a nice curse word. I mean, duh, that's the point, but even if it weren't referred to by small children as "the b-word," bitch is not a nice thing to call someone. Ever. I don't care if you're a fan of cursing or if you hate it, the meaning behind these words is foul.

The reason we call them "bad words" is because they have a bad connotation. Their meaning is inherently negative or crude. When we call a woman a bitch, we are not just reducing her to a label, we're reducing her to an extremely low and mean-spirited label. Of course, this same cruelty can be achieved without cursing, but I'll get to that in a minute.

You get what I mean. We've all heard the pro-cursing argument that words are just a few letters strung together and they don't really mean anything. Wrong-o. That's precisely why we shouldn't use them. Because they have meaning and their meaning is harsh, regardless of whether or not they're directed at someone.

Or the meaning is just gross. I've talked a lot about anger, so this is the reason I give for commonplace, "harmless" cursing. The modern meanings of ass, shit, and fuck are just not things we talk about freely, unless we're using curse words. We've been desensitized to what they stand for.

Say you aren't angry at all-- you knock something off the table and, as you lean down to get it, you casually say, "Shit." My classic stop-cursing challenge is this-- the next time you're tempted to say "shit," say "soupy diarrhea" instead and see how your friends react. Yeah, not so cool anymore, is it? Because you're talking about feces.

That's right. Gag. I am not sorry for what I have said here today.

3. It's the spirit that counts.

I mentioned before that we can be very hurtful without using curse words. You can make anything sound like a curse word as long as you say it with the right attitude. And that's how this ties into #1.

There's something very jarring about my name when people use it in anger. Maybe it's because three syllables pound out into a really satisfying phrase (Muh-ree-uh) or because the syllables are really harsh when you split them up (Muh-REE-uh or Muh-ree-UH), but I just do not like the sound of it when someone is mad at me. It feels like it's being profaned and used against me-- I don't want to be Maria anymore when you make Maria sound like "shitwit."

The word doesn't have to mean anything negative to make it negative. It's the spirit of what you're saying that counts. But, as this is a blog post about cursing, we are talking about words with negative meanings and they are commonly used with an attitude that is angry or sarcastic. When you combine a hateful attitude with a word that means something nasty, then say it out of anger, you've got one yucky linguistic parfait. And I'd just rather not take a bite, you know?




I've got to keep peace in my heart. When my words are peaceful and kind, I can be peaceful and kind. That just doesn't come naturally to me, believe it or not. I have to work at it and, for me, as a recovering anger-addict, I can't curse. If I do, it's because I feel absolutely wretched. But, does it do anything to help me? No. It just carves that anger a little deeper into my heart and solidifies it because I've confirmed it aloud.

So, there you have it. I have finally explained myself after years of being mocked and I've admitted that I'm both a word prude and a recovering anger-addict. I'd say this has been a productive blog post. To leave you with something to laugh at, here is the best swear-fest ever recorded. The three phrases my husband and I use most often are: (1.) I love you. (2.) We're out of napkins. (3.) "And! Tits."

It took me 20 minutes to find a clip that wasn't a techno remix or a ringtone.